Funny Things

So, a lot has happened since I last blogged. First, my mom is okay, no tumor! Yea! Second, I have a niece named Sarah Gail 9lbs 5oz, born Sept. 1st. She is beautiful! I have a proud nephew Stephen that would agree whole heartedly.

Anyway, so it was a crazy week the week we were anticipating her arrival. I was over at my brother and sister in law's house the night before she was born. I was getting ready to leave their house and my sister in law was in the shower, so I peeked my head into the doorway of the bathroom to say goodbye. I had to yell over the shower:

Me: "Bye! I'll see you tomorrow!"

Michelle: "Uh huh, you're staying with me"

Me: "No I'm not"

Michelle: "Yes you are"

Me: "No I'm not"

This exchange happened at least 3 or 4 times.

Michelle: "Wait, is this Stephen or Jamye?"

Me: "Jamye"(laugh)

Michelle: (laughs) "Sorry, it's hard to hear in here, yeah see you tomorrow!"

So apparently I sound like a 4 year old boy, or my nephew sounds like a 27 year old girl. (Or it could be because I have been told that I sound like a little girl when I yell (Lexi)).

The morning Sarah was born and my brother came and got us to see her in the nursery we were walking down the hallway and Stephen said "She's free! She's free!"

We of course wanted to go and visit them at the hospital after she was born. Well, we went up there Wednesday night with the grandparents and great grandparents and we decided after our visit to go eat. Well Stephen was with us and was being particularly clingy to me and sitting closely to me in the booth. The waiter stops to check on us at one point:

Waiter: (to Stephen) "What's your name?"

Stephen: "Stephen."'

Waiter: "How old are you?"

Stephen: "Four...I got a baby sister, Sarah Gail born today"

Waiter: "Oh yeah? Born today?"

Me: "Yesterday."

Waiter:(looks at me) "Really? Just born? Yesterday?"

Me: "Yup."

Waiter: (incredulously) "Really? Wow."

Mom: (after waiter walks off) "I think he thought you were Stephen's mom."

Me: "Oh, well yeah you know, I pop out kids and then decide I'm hungry. I leave the new one at home and go out with the family."

Control Your Face

Okay so I went for my "regular" pedicure today. I got there and surprisingly for a Saturday it wasn't that busy and I got put in a chair as soon as I got there. I can't same the for my Mom who had to wait a bit to get a full set of nails. Well, I am soaking my feet and enjoying the massage chair and I take in the room. There is a person there across the room that looks familiar, but I get that a lot myself so I let it go. So the lady rolls up in that weird rolling stool like at the doctor's office and starts on my feet. First she asks where my friends are if I am not with any of them...which where were my friends? Not there, obviously. Well then she proceeds to ask me about an "older lady" from Azle that I came in with me last and about her not liking her color or something was messed up. Granted I am only getting maybe every third word. I am like, "oh uh okay". I think at this point it is a confession and she is telling me that "Ih feex cohlor" I have no idea what she is talking about. (it was explained to me later by Lexi)

Then, she goes to get that cheese grater thing that they use on your feet and she squirts this clear goop on it. It bounces and goes in her eye! She spazzes and starts blotting her eye with her towel. She then proceeds, not once, not once, not twice, but three times to scoop my "feet water" and use it to wash out her eye!! I am trying not to look shocked and disgusted, but really? I am thinking...what the? Oh the horror!! (for those of you who don't know, I am not a feet person and I can't even really touch my own feet because I am ticklish and grossed out by feet in general) She says "luhky". I am thinking, me or you? It wasn't my fault! She also showed me what she "grated" off, like I need to see it?! She moves on with the pedicure but periodically points at her eye and looks at me! Then she keeps poking my feet to tell me what to do and says "cahn't seeh, ohnly ohne eyeh". I'm like, I'm sorry! It's not my fault. Well we finish the pedicure with no more incidents when I hear a bit of a commotion at the register. The girl I thought was familiar is disputing the cost, she is trying to account for $5 dollars. I hear the others working there saying "fhive minute, fhive dhollar, bhig diffrhence". I have no idea what that was about but she did this dispute for a while and even came back after leaving. I of course pretended to actually like the skatboarding competition on TV just to avoid eye contact with anyone. So, all in all pretty eventful and I did know that girl after all and they found out I did, but I won't reveal any names. Why does this happen to me? I guess it's almost like a law of nature to have something happen when I get pedicures. Oh and by the way I didn't giggle or laugh at all, I was too busy feeling shamed.

What Goes On

So I decided to copy a little (sorry Connie) and update about me. I am reading a lot of Christian fiction books that are all based in specific states. They are compilations of like 3 or 4 stories all based in a certain state or region for some. I really enjoy them. However, I am finding that most of them once I start reading them are literally falling apart!! I don't know if it's the glue or lack thereof, but it's ridiculous! I am the type that I have to finish the book too, so I am literally reading some of these in sections. Well, I decided to change things up and I started reading another Christian fiction book and I really like it. It's called 'Secrets" by Kristen Heitzmann and I can't put it down! I also found out it's a series! Yea! I am a book nerd!! Other than that I work of course and I have recently taken on a new challenge. I am teaching the college and career Sunday school class at church. I know, I know, me teach? Me who hates being in front of people? Well, I have taught 4 weeks now and I just picked out the next series. I really want to look around and maybe find something not so long, but this one will do until the seniors come from the youth group. It's called "Jaded" and don't even pretend that the Aerosmith song didn't just pop into your head, cause it does mine every time I look at it. I really think that this age group kind of gets lost in the shuffle and that they just stop coming. I know I felt that way. So, I hope I can maybe help change that...so pray for me (and maybe those are subjected to my amateur teaching). My nephew will be 4 on August 1st and I am planning on welcoming a niece to the world on September 1st!! Lots of changes there and time is flying by!! (Not for my sister in law though, she feels huge.) For those of you wondering about my "love life" still don't really have one and I think I am okay with that for now...maybe. I can't count how many times recently I have gotten "you married yet?" "why not?" Seriously? Of course that only brings about my shining sarcasm of "nope" and "you tell me." I really think I just haven't found that person that I can put up with, yes I did say that. Too often I hear "that person that can put up with me" so I am changing it up. So, until that I will enjoy my pedicures with the girls and do what I please. :) Well I hope this blog will suffice until I have some more to tell. I have some funny happenings that I store up so I have more say then. Until then...have a good one!!

Victim of Stupidity...aren't we all?

Waitress: "Hey, do I know you? Did I work with you?"
Me: "No, I don't think so."
Waitress: "Are you (some guy's name)'s sister?"
Me: "Nope."
Waitress: "Are you sure?"

Guy I worked with first time I met him in the break room, just him and me...
Guy: "Are you Brandon's brother?"
Me:(look at him and go back to eating)
Guy:"You're Brandon's brother right?"
Me:(look of disbelief and a little, are you stupid?) "I'm Brandon's s..."
Guy: "Sister right! Sorry!"

Got my hair cut short, will never do it again, here's why:
Girl: "That's a cute pregnant lady haircut."

Stupidity. Why?!

I wore stirrup pants and flourescent colors...with permed hair and glasses that were too big for my face. Why? It was the 80's.

I fell at the Tandy center going up the steps...then fell again the same day when I was leaving. Why? Humility?

I ripped my pants at work one day...thankfully when there was only 5 minutes of the day left. Why? I don't know, there was no wear and tear, my pants just decided to fail me.

I once got trapped in the shower in the dorm room and had to be helped out of there by my suitemate who I'd only met the day before. Thankfully, I had put my towel over the shower door and not by the sink. Why? Because these things happen to me.

I once got hit on by a guy that referred to himself as "Big Sexy." Why? Not sure, ask him.

I once tripped over the hose at the gas station while pumping gas and jacked up my gas tank. Why? Because a huge "Silence of the Lambs" size moth was trying to get into my car.

Why do these things happen to us? Only one answer...God truly has a sense of humor.

Eye Don't Think So!!

Okay, so I went to the eye doctor today for my year check-up since I had LASIK last year. So, he is telling me good things like 20/15 and telling me what my vision was before LASIK...then BOOM he drops his bomb. He starts talking about "slight" nearsightedness! What?! Exactly how far am I supposed to be seeing?! I mean considering I don't have to put on contacts or glasses just to put on make-up or something as trivial as using the bathroom, I think that's pretty good! I would literally have to almost climb into the pack and play with my nephew just to check on him when he was sleeping! I could see his face when he told me this, unlike before LASIK without glasses or contacts he would have been a blur and I would have been scrunching my face in a so attractive way just to make it out! I enjoy opening my eyes and being able to see in the morning! Rain on my parade? No sir! He wrote me a prescription as an option...uh that's why I got LASIK, don't want to wear glasses! I had 18 years of glasses and/or contacts! That was a long time for me, I still think I am forgetting something when I get ready for bed or pack to go somewhere. Anyway, so as long as I can see to drive and I can in fact read the road signs for exits off the highway even before I get lost, I think I will be okay. I am working on the getting lost thing, I got a navigator I call Doloris (the direction giver) on my phone, so see I am doing just great!

For those of you with glasses or contacts, not knocking them, I know your pain and I apparently lost my tolerance for it and saw an opportunity. If it makes you feel better I still had like 3 boxes of contacts and I had spent a lot on my last pair of glasses when I got LASIK. I also had some really unattractive pairs of glasses over the years, painful memories...captured forever in photos and film. So, you perfect vision people...have a heart...love your vision challenged family and friends and tell them..."I wish I could look that good in glasses" or some other vision related compliment and mean it! It really is nice to hear!

To Sing or Not to Sing

So I have been asked to sing at my parent's church this Sunday. I am super nervous. Don't get me wrong I love to sing, but I would prefer for people to be either in another room or closing their eyes. I have been singing in front of people for a long time, but it never gets any easier. Take my first time to sing in front of people at church.

So I am about 6 years old maybe and someone, still don't know who decides to have the brilliant idea for me to sing "Away in a Manger". This is all the verses and of course by myself. Well, things are progressing, verse 1, check, verse 2, check, verse 3...almost done...(blurt) "to live with Thee there" and I run off stage crying. Nice huh? Well I run to my Mom unaware of the applause only wanting the comfort of my Mom and she is...laughing. She tells me to this day that she was so overwhelmed with emotion and being so proud of me she was laughing and crying; not at me. Still traumatic for me.

So, you can see how I associate performing in front of people with fear, at least I hope you see it too. Also, there is the constant knowing that if I look in the general direction of my Dad, he will in fact be crying, so I have taken to staring at the wall. Here's hoping there is not a repeat of the "Away in a Manger" debacle.

Starts with my toes...

So it's been a while a know but I thought I might share a few "gems" of experiences with getting pedicures...and manicures.
So I ususally go to the same place to get my toes and occasionally nails done, however one day when I (and my mom and Shilo) wanted to go they closed early. So, we decided to try another local place that we knew some people who had gone there. It seemed like your average nail place...that's just the place...notice I didn't mention the people. Well, the lady that did my pedicure seemed nice enough from the broken english I could make out. She was trying to chat with me but as I said, her english was broken; well I finally made out some things and here are just a few of the things said:
"Veh-ry sof. mhake my johb easy"

"Veh-ry sehxy feeh"

"See? see?"
All the while my toes would occasionally get caught in the sleeves of her long sleeve ruffled shirt. She proceeded to slap my legs occasionally to get my attention to show me what she had done. Finally, when all was said and done she pulls me out of the chair and shoves me towards the dryer. Well I took this oppotunity to pay and tip...well she took the opportunity to thank me profusely, hug me, then kiss my shoulder a few times. Needless to say for a person who is not usually a touchy feely type...I was weirded out and haven't been back since.

So due to the previous experience I went back to my usual place and the woman doing my manicure managed to insult me and compliment me in the same conversation. She was massaging my hands and said:

She said: "Soh yhoung and sof, don't do muhsh whit hand."

I said: "Oh, uh no I guess not."

She said: "Dhon't do mhany deeshes, mhom do them all?"

I said: "I help."

She said: "Noht muhsh"...while I try not to be insulted, she says "What do you whanna be when you growh up?"